[ArtGoesHere.net/blog]

Warning:
EMOTION
click to continue

Listening to: Fastball - Out Of My Head

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there’s always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you’re sad then its time you spoke up too

Here is a conversation me an Bill shared online roughly 600 miles apart as the bird flies:

bill: It feels like FOREVER that we’ve been away from school
artgoeshere: i know!
artgoeshere: god, terrible isn’t it?
bill: Yeah, this summer is going is going to suck so much
artgoeshere: i’m starting some work painting zora’s step-dad’s house so hopefully that will numb me until we’re back
artgoeshere: man, bill i miss you so much to
artgoeshere: god this is terrible
artgoeshere: what were we thinking?!
artgoeshere: go home?!!
artgoeshere: we were home!
bill: I KNOW

I’ve got shit runnin’ throught my brain, so intense that I can’t explain…

There’s this thing about blogs, especially this one. Pretty much the only times I post are when I’m really happy, really sad, really bored, or I have pictures. This is a combination of kinda sad and kinda bored right now. In the morning I’ll probably be fine and in a weird way it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one feeling like this.

Danny and Kris expressed similar feelings when we met for dinner in Minneapolis a few days ago, and when Bill and I talk online our conversations always seem to at least touch on the subject of “summer is sucking” slash “we miss MCAD.” The party the other night at Francesca’s house was great; I had a good time and there was great people there, people I don’t get to see in Minneapolis. And when I hang out in Zora’s basement with whomever-else may be there I always have a nice warm feeling.

But then I eventually go home. To quote Bill, “now I have to […] stay by myself in my stupid room in my stupid house in my stupid hometown in the middle of stupid Michigan.” I hate staying by myself. When Bill was actually sleeping in the same apartment as me it was great waking up and knowing that someone else was there. And second semester when Allison more or less lived at my apartment she slept in my room and that was the most fantastic I could have hoped to happen.

Bill you were a great roommate and still are a great friend. When Bill left to sleep elsewhere (with more than understandable reasons) it was kinda lonely, but not terrible because Danny and Brendon were in the bedroom next to mine. Allison and I became better friends than I could have ever hoped to be. Granted she had (and has) a boyfriend which sometimes made things a little awkward: “Is it okay if I sleep in my underwear without a shirt?” “What if I say something really dumb and out of line?” Stupid stuff like that which in the end, I suppose, doesn’t really matter. I’m on a tangent, I can’t go there in a public-ish space like this. ANYWAYS, point being that having her there was great. We didn’t have to talk, we didn’t have to go to bed at the same time, we didn’t even have to be in the same room; but knowing she was there was a comfort on its own.

Gah, now my mind starting to wander so I’ll stop whilst I’m ahead. If you have anything thoughts on tonight’s subject and don’t want to share them as a public comment, feel free to call us on our 24/7 hotline at (my cell phone number). That number again is, (my cell phone number). That’s what I’m thinking, and that’s why I’m as fucked up as the next guy. But if we’re all fucked up, than aren’t we all normal you might ask. To that I say “good point,” and “we’ll talk about that next week… And by next week I mean never.”